


Lost and Found

by ontaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drama, Existentialism, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ontaemin/pseuds/ontaemin
Summary: There’s something in the muted silence of the wind blowing leaves outside a closed window. Something that makes your heart ache that kind of ache that can never be explained, and only drifts further and further the more you attempt to chase it.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Wow another fic! I’m just cranking em out I guess. Again, kinda artsy fartsy probably pretentious sounding but I’m having fun writing these little stories and maybe the volume at which I’m posting will soon enable me to write (or finish) something longer. Anyways, enjoy xx
> 
> also TW for disassociation and existentialism since I know this made me a little uneasy while writing

There’s something in the muted silence of the wind blowing leaves outside a closed window. Something that makes your heart ache that kind of ache that can never be explained, and only drifts further and further the more you attempt to chase it. 

In these moments of silence, you feel simultaneously humbled as well as utterly terrified. Nothing matters - horror and peace in one epiphany. Everything only _is_ and everything always continues to be, whether you’re there to observe it or not. The day goes on and a clock ticks further. The world turns and the leaves on those trees flutter until they fall and bloom once more in the spring. Nothing stops for anything - especially not for you. 

Taemin’s stomach curls at this feeling, and he wonders why anything is worth it in the end. 

Perhaps he had a weak soul. Too vulnerable to even dip a toe into that pool of existentialism, but as he learned from his first swim, it was more of a black hole than it was a pond. It wasn’t his choice to dive further at this point. 

For the most part, to the outside world at least, Taemin’s life rolled on as if nothing were impeding it’s flow. However, it was only that he continued to push on. He continued to keep the pace he had before this nightmarish enlightenment as to seem unassuming, to stay safe - to seem normal. As others leisurely strolled through life, Taemin attempted to appear similar, even whilst dragging the weight of the world behind him. 

It’s not a burden for a community college student. It’s not a burden for someone as fragile as Taemin, and someone as unwilling to dig for the answers as him, either. It’s the kind of thing he regrets ever thinking of, and wonders if he’ll ever claw his way out of the hole he had fallen so deep into. 

Days fly by under his covers. No sense in doing anything when nothing mattered. When he was only a flea in the soil of the mass expanse of earth - not to mention the universe as a whole. He cried until he had no tears left, slept until he could sleep no more. Ate until he could burst and starved until he could faint, and only returned to class at the advice of his roommate, fed up with his behaviour. 

Somehow, a blessing came to him. A rope swung down into his pit of despair in the form of a picturesque love interest, and his sweet words comforting who was only a stranger at that point. “Is everything alright?” 

So much time had gone on with Taemin living inside his own mind, not much of his surroundings was ingrained in his memory yet, especially given the new semester and his poor attendance. He couldn’t name one of his classmates - barely even his professors. So this - his desk mates helping hand metaphorically reaching out as his physical palm rested upon Taemin’s wrist, concerned and gentle - was off putting to say the least. 

“I’m okay.” Taemin musters, feeling honest - somehow. “Thank you for asking.” And he smiles. Genuine. 

Taemin’s saviour quickly becomes so much more than just a desk mate or casual acquaintance. “I feel like I’ve known you all my life.” He says - Jinki. Four years older, somehow, but with a heart full of the excitement of a child. Gone back to school after a rough patch as a late teenager - Taemin admired that. With so much pain from one mistaken thought train derailment, it was nice to have him, and his sunshine smile. He tells him such sweet sonnets. Love letters and poetry all mumbled against his lips and over the phone and between crumpled pieces of paper passed during lectures - all genuine an all heartfelt as if they hadn’t been doing this for only a few weeks. Taemin was so deeply in love - drowning and oh so happy for it. He didn’t care - and that was a good thing. 

Taemin finds himself with Jinki wrapped around him more times than not. Together, naked and comfortable and unafraid of telling the other anything. “I’m scared.” Taemin finally says, under Jinki’s covers, their legs and arms and fingers tangled together in post coital harmony. 

“Of what?” His lover asks, sweet, darling concern in his candied voice. “You know you’re safe with me.” He kisses to Taemin’s temple. What a fool he was for ever thinking otherwise. 

They’re together for awhile. Taemin’s not sure how long it’ll go on - if this is just college romance and his dramatics have gotten the best of him, but Jinki is so much more than a boyfriend or a lover or even just a person. He’s a symbol of goodness. A sign from the heavens that Taemin’s thinking had gone too far past the actual point, and a sign that despite nothing mattering, happiness is still not unachievable, and definitely not futile in the least. 

There’s something in the way Jinki smiles. To himself during class as their hands brush together under their desk. At home against Taemin’s chest as they come down together. It’s beaming and bright when he laughs, and gentle and delicate when it’s only a grin. It lights up the room and Taemin’s entire universe, no matter how small, no matter how stifled. That something in his smile makes Taemin’s heart ache. And, as it turns out, not every ache is a bad one. Jinki, of course, was a good one.


End file.
